Here at the End of All Things
by deangirl1
Summary: Tag of sorts to 5.22. Dean's thoughts in the last major scene - can't say more for spoilers...


**Disclaimer:** This is a transformative work of fiction based on the original creation of E. Kripke. Just for pleasure, not for profit.

**A/N:** Spoilers for 5.22. Mainly Dean's thoughts throughout the scene in the cemetery.

I don't know why, but this has been sitting on my computer for days... and I'm really reluctant to post it, but here it is for better or worse...

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Chuck wasn't lying when he said he didn't know how it turned out. But he did know that a _man_ had to be there. Freewill had been His greatest gift to humanity, and freewill would be the deciding factor.

Dean had gone to the cemetery so that his brother wouldn't die alone. He'd made a promise not to try to get Sam out and he was prepared to stand by that promise. The rest of it? Dumping himself on Lisa? He didn't think she needed that.

What Dean did know was that the hardest thing a big brother ever had to do was let his little brother go.

He and Bobby both knew the answer to Bobby's question. Dean had never been afraid of losing. Resigned to it maybe. Railed against it maybe. Defied it for as long as he could – hell yeah, but he was never afraidof losing. But losing his brother? That he'd been afraid of his whole life. So wilfully just letting him go? Every bit of Dean screamed at its wrongness. Saying it went against his every fibre? Understatement of all time.

When Lucifer exploded Cas, Dean's mind could barely absorb it. He just kept thinking, they brought him back the last time – they brought him back the last time…. But Cas wasn't an angel anymore… would that make a difference? But there was no time to think about it because Sam… Lucifer was stalking towards him. And that's who Dean saw. Lucifer in total command. Sammy so far down he might as well be in hell already. It made Dean's voice shake when he asked Sammy if he was still in there. Sam could never have killed Cas so callously. And there was no hesitation in the act, nothing and no one, seemingly, holding Lucifer back.

The impact of slamming into the windshield of the Impala drove the air from Dean's body and the world exploded into bright stars as his head bounced off the windshield, pain blossoming from the back of his skull and shooting through his eyes. It was only dimly that he heard the first gunshot, but it helped him to focus and bring him around. His vision had cleared by the second shot and his eyes met Bobby's as the older hunter shrugged helplessly, his body language clearly indicating it was worth a try, if only to buy Dean some time.

The pain in Dean's body couldn't compare with the agony that ripped through him when Lucifer snapped Bobby's neck.

Dean hoped that the pain of watching Bobby die, of participating in it, might have helped Sammy fight harder. That the spike of anger that had to evoke in his brother might have brought him closer to the surface. But when Dean was dragged from the Impala's hood, he knew as soon as he looked into Lucifer's eyes that Sam was still deeply buried.

The first blow whited out Dean's vision again. Sam had never really hit him until after Dean came back from Hell. He didn't really count that though because Sam had been under the influence of demon blood, which come to think of it, he was again. Dean knew the demon blood gave his brother even more strength than he normally had. And still, Dean hadn't felt a blow like this since, well, Hell.

Lucifer had killed their friend. He'd killed Bobby, the closest person they had to a parent. Dean still refused to believe that Sam would let Lucifer kill him.

As soon as Lucifer said he wanted Sam to feel Dean's bones snap, Dean knew they could win. Lucifer was going to have to let Sam closer to the surface. All Dean had to do was hang on and they would win.

Lucifer wasn't lying. Dean felt the bones start to snap too. His right cheekbone and then the left. That bone that went around your eye… he couldn't remember what that one was called… His ribs… His collarbone… He'd cracked his skull once, so Dean recognized that too. The world started to white out. It's not like he hadn't felt this kind of pain before. In Hell and out of it. When Alastair tried to kill him the last time. So he fought it. And he called to Sam. Told him he'd never leave him. And fought to make it true. He felt his jaw break. And then he saw the killing blow. Apparently, Lucifer wasn't going to break every bone first. Impatient bastard.

But the blow didn't fall. The mask did. And then it was Sam.

Dean managed to stay conscious, but he couldn't stay on his feet. He couldn't talk. He could only show his love and determination with the one eye that would still open. He shook with the determination to stay conscious, and he tried to go to his brother. He wasn't going to leave him. He was so immersed in trying to convey everything he wanted to say to his brother without words and get to his feet that he didn't realize Michael was back until he spoke. Dean started and almost blacked out from the wave of pain that small movement caused.

And then Michael was launching himself at Sam and Sam was pulling them both into the pit. Dean rocked forward, reaching toward his brother. Dean poured everything he had left into trying to throw himself after them, but he couldn't move, his body betraying him at the last.

Light shot from the hole and the wind that had been dragging Sam into the pit blasted out, both light and air shoving Dean back against the warm body of the Impala. When Dean looked back, the hole and his brother were gone.

The despair that ravaged him dragged him into oblivion and Dean slumped unconscious to the ground.

He had no idea how long he'd laid there, but when Dean finally clawed his way back to consciousness, he slowly and painfully dragged himself towards the last place he'd seen his brother. He could feel the bones in his face and chest grinding together. He passed out from the pain and the lack of oxygen – he was fairly sure one lung had collapsed – but still he dragged himself until he could reach the rings. He made it to his knees and then the tears came, blurring the image of the rings in his hand. He could open the pit again. But he wouldn't be able to stop Lucifer from escaping. Everything that Sam had done would be for nothing. And Dean knew that Sam would never forgive him for that. Dean had to honour his promise. He had to honour his brother's choice.

Dean knew that his injuries were fatal. He knew he was dying and he couldn't bring himself to care about that. It was getting harder to think as the pain in his skull intensified and his breathing was coming in wheezing shallow pants. But he had no reason to care. Sam was gone and Bobby and Cas were dead. So Dean waited to join his brother anyway.

And then Cas was there…. And Dean was forced to live.

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**A/N:** I had to post this because I couldn't leave it alone. Some of it I really like and bits of if, I'm not so sure about.

Mostly, I liked the finale. I especially loved everything that Kripke said to us through Chuck. Nothing will ever make me believe, however, that that was the ending that Kripke wanted, but it's the one he was able to give us, and I can live with that.


End file.
